Sunday, January 19, 2014

shoot me. please.

so here's the latest in my little corner of town. i have a new neighbor who's moved here from a small rural town in Nebraska. i swear, you'd think by talking with her she's never had a lick of fun in all of her 32 years on this planet. in many ways i find her endearing but usually she just grates on my nerves like an old noisy alley cat who's looking for some chow. why you ask? well. she's a typical transplant who's moved here and within a year has become "everything NOLA" those of you who live here are chuckling. i know you are because i can hear
 you. so tell me, what is it about our city that brings this obnoxious crap out in people? but really it only gets worse with time because they then become the authority on EVERYTHING NOLA.

yesterday she lectured to me about the lighthouse in West End and then she moved on to the trees in City Park. later she yabbered on and on about our school system, Mardi Gras parade routes, construction on St. Charles and drainage problems. (like somehow i missed the memo all this time)
after giving it some thought she said she's decided to start a blog and write about her discoveries because ya know, no one has ever done that.

everything NOLA - only hipsters need apply.

*sigh*

19 comments:

  1. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
    sigh
    love you
    xo xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG! I just laughed so hard I fell off my chair. So true, so true.

    ReplyDelete
  3. small speech commencing warning:

    I was born in New Orleans. It says so on my birth certificate. I was semi-raised there...until we moved to the MS Gulf Coast. Just because I have "roots" and I visit often....and have a piece of paper that marries me to NOLA forever.....doesn't mean I know shit about NOLA.

    Unless you are there every day, feel the mood, know the history of a building or a neighborhood and how it's transitioned through the years.....you don't know shit ! I always defer to people who are there everyday through thick and thin to guide me when I need assistance in a variety of subjects.

    That's like going offshore fishing with me a few times then telling me where all the fishing hot spots are this time next year.

    I call this phenomena of your neighbor....."Acquired Residential Expertise"....they move in and 6 months later think they can give a swamp tour of the area.

    Give me a frickin' break....

    I hope I never meet your neighbor....sorry for the rant....lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. rant welcomed, Dave. and i agree wholeheartedly. and really i welcome anyone who moves here with open arms. but please.. keep your lectures and opinions to yourself and come back in 10 or so years and we can talk.

      Delete
  4. The problem with these "Everything NOLA" newby's is they literally believe the entire city lives in a cave. As if they are teaching you something you've never experienced. And yeah, it's almost always the hipster "know-it-alls" who are THE WORST.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh I love the teacher assistants, me. They know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. teacher assistants?? why? do you mean, because they aren't actually a teacher but a wanna be or an aid?

      Delete
  6. My yogi teacher is exactly like what you've described on this blog. How can you stare blatant stupidity in the face? I did and it was easy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol... victor!
      hope all is well with you dear friend. xo

      Delete
  7. That was a worthy public service, T., and as always so rich and funny! A.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My first question is why hasn't someone close to these fools said something? Ya know like "You sound like a boring fool!" Gawd!

    ReplyDelete
  9. My hipster coworker said she doesn't understand why the residents in the French Quarter are complaining about the noise ordinance. "They shouldn't complain since they decided to live there." Now that's classic newbie New Orleans know-it-all. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh that's so true. so many fighting it don't even realize the shop owners just want some space so peeps can get to them. hopefully they can come to some sort of agreement.
      no bone in that dog fight. i got 100 problems and that just ain't one of them.

      Delete
  10. Just this morning I was reading about this very same subject. Someone said it perfectly: "The rest of "america" is basically just a highway rest-stop plaza, repeating indef. like the background in a hanna-barbara cartoon."

    So basically they move here and feel born again. That's fine, just don't tell me about what I've known for 52 years.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This post made me pee on myself I laughed so hard. You might as well hang it up because they'll never stop telling us how things should be done. Even though they've lived here maybe when they were young, moved away and now they're back to save the city. And I'm willing to bet they have a tat of the French iris on their forearm.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's the lecturing that bugs the shit out of me. Someone who's not from here is telling me how it all works. Fuck off.

    ReplyDelete